TEEN TRENDS - SUICIDE: A MOTHER'S STORY

(This blog is written to inform parents and others of disturbing trends of teenagers.)

I first posted this article in June 2009, but I felt the need to bring this post back to the forefront, because teen suicide is still a growing problem.  Four of my daughter's friends committed suicide within the last six months, including a 19-year-old male, who shot himself last night.  I think this is every mother's nightmare.

Below are the signs, symptoms, and risk factors for teen suicide that parents, teachers, etc. need to be aware of, but if your teen has a friend or close relative who commits suicide, you will want to stay close and alert to ensure your teen doesn't lapse into a deep depression that could also end in suicide.  (Suicide of one teen often leads to others.)  Talk to your teen about what happened, let him/her talk about his/her feelings, and about the friend they lost...the good times they had together, etc.  If needed, you should have your teen talk to the school counselor to help him/her through this tragic loss.

Each year, thousands of teenagers commit suicide. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15- to 24-year-olds and the fourth leading cause of death among 10- to 14-year-olds.

*FACTS:

• There is an estimated 8 to 25 attempted suicides to one completed suicide - with the ratio even higher among youth.
• Out of 100,000 teens, 2,000 to 3,000 have a mood disorder, in which 8 to 10 will commit suicide.
• Males are four times more likely to die from suicide than females.
• Females are more likely to attempt suicide than males.
• Males tend to use more lethal methods to commit suicide, such as firearms, hanging, or jumping from heights, while females attempt suicide by overdose or cutting.

RISK FACTORS:

• Breakup with girlfriend or boyfriend is the #1 risk factor.
• Failing or doing badly on a test.
• Feeling humiliated.
• Death of a friend, family member or pet.
• Loss of parent due to divorce.
• Physical or sexual abuse.
• Being a victim of bullying.
• Teenagers who are gay, lesbian or transgender are three times more likely to commit suicide than heterosexual teens.
• Starting a new school.
• A family history of suicide.
• A previous suicide attempt.
• Being part of the Gothic culture. 47% of teens who are a part of the Gothic culture attempt suicide. This can be attributed to the music they listen to, the rituals they participate in, and the websites they visit. This culture usually attracts teens who already demonstrate risk factors, such as depression, self harm, and feelings of hopelessness. (Rutledge, Rimer, & Scott, 2008.)
  

WARNING SIGNS:

• Changes in eating and sleep habits,
• Withdrawal from family and friends.
• Taking unnecessary risks.
• Physical deterioration (weight loss, fatigue, frequent complaints of illness).
• Loss of interest in usual activities.
• Marked personality change.
• Neglect of personal appearance.
• Written warning signs - The teen may write poems or notes to friends, parents or teachers expressing unhappiness with his life or he may insert a disguised message in a homework assignment.
• Preoccupation with death and dying.
• Marked preference for books, song lyrics, and movies that represent death, suicide or self destruction.
• Verbal signals - Comments made by a teen, such as "I wish I were dead", "Nothing matters", "I want to go to sleep and never wake up" should never be ignored.
• Becomes suddenly cheerful after a period of depression. (This usually signals that the teen has made up his mind to commit suicide, and he feels a sense of relief and happiness.)
• Cleaning his or her room, throwing away important belongings, stating "I won't be needing _______________ anymore" is a way of putting his or her affairs in order.
• Giving away personal possessions serves as a final goodbye.
• If a teen writes out a will and/or plans a funeral, suicide will soon follow. (Kirk, W.G. 1993)
  

Even though all parents need to be aware of the above warning signs, every teenager behaves differently, and the warning signs are not always so obvious.

MY STORY:

In 2004, Hollie had been in her room talking on the phone. My mind was miles away when Hollie walked in crying and shaking, and she kept saying, “I can’t stop”. Then I noticed the small blade in her hand. (For those who have read my other posts, you know I would search Hollie's room for these blades, so I was surprised that she had one.) I looked down, and she had 20 to 25 cuts on each of her legs. (These weren’t deep cuts.) The next hour or so is a blur, but I called Hollie’s doctor, who told me to take her to the ER, and he would have an intake counselor from Brentwood Behavioral Health meet us there.

While talking with the counselor, she asked Hollie if she was suicidal, and Hollie said “yes”. Now I’m standing there in shock thinking, "how could I not know my child was suicidal”! I mean, I'm all up in Hollie's business, all the time. I know who, what, when, where, and for how long every time she walks out the front door.

Hollie didn’t demonstrate any of the above warning signs. Yes, she was moody at times, but what teenager isn’t. And yes, she had been cutting, but she had been seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist for months, and she never indicated she was suicidal.
The counselor recommended inpatient treatment, and Hollie freaked. She said she wasn’t going, and she refused to move. (Because she was suicidal, she had to be transported by ambulance.) Finally, the nurse told Hollie that she could either walk out or he could give her a shot, and she would be rolled out on a gurney. Hollie chose to walk out, but not before giving me a look - she was shooting daggers at me.

I got all the papers filled out to have her admitted, and then I left her there. And for the very first time, Hollie didn’t say she loved me when I left…and I went home and cried.

Visitation was twice a week, and she could make one phone call a night. Every time she called, she cried and begged me to come and get her. She would make promises of what she would and wouldn’t do. I would tell her I couldn’t come get her, and she would get mad and hang up on me. And I would cry. I knew I had to leave her there, but it was the hardest thing I believe I've ever had to do.

Visitations were worse, because I had to look at her while she was crying and begging me to take her home. I would tell her, “I can’t”, and she would storm off. But there were other moms there,who assured me that it would get easier. And I would go home and cry.

She stayed in treatment for sixteen days (that’s the longest a short-term facility can hold a child under 21, at least in MS). The calls and visits did get a little easier, and she stopped asking me to take her home. Once she was back home, for quite awhile she stayed angry with me and constantly asked me how I could have put her in “that place”. I would ask her what did she expect me to do. She was suicidal, and I couldn’t keep her at home. Now, she will admit that she needed to be there.

When I think back to that time, I wonder if I missed a warning sign. She never threatened to kill herself, and she never talked of dying. She didn’t give her stuff away. She wasn’t withdrawn. If she was depressed, I didn’t pick up on it. I’m still clueless as to what I missed. I'm just so thankful that Hollie had the strength to walk out of her room that night before she went too far.

Thinking that their teen could actually kill himself/herself is too painful for a parent to imagine. But with the frequency of suicide growing among teenagers, no parent can afford to ignore the possibility. If your teen threatens suicide, he/she is crying out for help. Don't ignore them. Always take these threats seriously. Stay involved in your teens’ everyday life, so you will be more likely to notice a change in his/her behavior.

For more information on how to help your child if he/she is suicidal, read the article below at parentingpink.com.

http://parentingpink.com/?p=10502 

*National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)