TEEN TRENDS: ARE YOU RAISING A "MEAN GIRL"?

(This blog is written to inform parents and others of disturbing trends of teenagers.)


It's that time of year again!  Yes, it is back-to-school time. A time when you take your daughter shopping for new clothes, new shoes, a new book-bag. The store aisles are jam-packed with school supplies; the smell of new crayons, brightly colored binders, everything your daughter needs to prepare her for the new school year.

But, there is one thing every school has that you need to prepare your daughter for, and that is “mean girls”. You know the type; "the Queen Bee and her wannabees". Those girls who rule the school. They are popular and beautiful, with perfect hair, perfect skin, the perfect wardrobe, and they have power over other girls in the school, who would do anything to be part of this clique. (And these "mean girls" have been known to target boys in school.)
 

*The “mean girl” effect is so widespread that this type of bullying has now been termed “relational aggression” by psychologists.

WHAT CAN PARENTS DO: 

• Talk to your daughter about these types of girls before school starts.  Knowledge is power.
• Teach her to convey self-confidence.  Mean girls target weaker girls.
• Contact school officials to find out if they have a policy in place to deal with bullying
• Each day, ask your daughter about school and friends
• Help her get involved in activities outside of school, such as sports, music, drama or art to help boost her self-esteem.
• Know when to seek professional help.  Consider counseling for your daughter if her anxiety becomes overwhelming.     

THIS TYPE OF "MEAN GIRL" BULLYING TAKES ON MANY FORMS:

• Being shunned
• Insults/degrading
• Taunting
• Name calling
• Malicious gossip
• Rejection
• Humiliation
• Teasing
• Exclusion from peer groups
• Harassment
• Cyber-bullying 

This type of bullying is hard to detect and is often trivialized.  We think, "she'll get over it", but the pain and effects of this type of aggression can last into adulthood.

*EFFECTS OF RELATIONAL AGGRESSION:

• A girl who suffers from this kind of bullying starts to believe she is unworthy and insignificant.
• She is more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs or develop an eating disorder.
• She becomes angry, unattached, uncooperative, hostile, and has an extreme negative opinion of herself.
• Relational aggression has a long-term effect on her self- esteem.
• She may develop psychological effects, such as depression, anxiety, headaches or stomach problems.

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WARNING SIGNS THAT YOUR DAUGHTER MAY BE THE TARGET OF “MEAN GIRLS”:

• Depression
• Withdrawal
• Low self-esteem
• Emotional instability
• Sleep disturbance or change in eating habits
• Suicidal thoughts or attempt
• Frequent crying
• Self-destructive behavior (cutting/eating disorder)
• Reluctance to go to school
• Loss of friends
• Poor school performance/drop in grades
• Headaches, stomachaches or other physical complaints
• Loss of interest in activities she previously enjoyed.

WHY ARE SOME GIRLS MEAN?

• To be popular
• To appear tough and in charge
• To make other girls afraid of them
• They suffer from low self-esteem and bullying makes them feel superior

It is hard to forget Phoebe Prince, an Irish immigrant and new arrival to a small Massachusetts town.  She committed suicide in January 2010 because she had been teased and taunted in person and by text messages, and harassed on social networking sites like Facebook by "mean girls".  These girls continued to mock Phoebe on Facebook even after she killed herself.

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But, girls are not born mean.  This is a learned behavior.  Most girls learn to intimidate and manipulate others from her home environment, usually from her mother.  If your daughter sees you gossiping, saying mean things about others, and acting snobbish to someone of a lower class, she believes this is how people are to be treated, and that this behavior is okay.  You should always demonstrate kindness and empathy towards others, especially in the presence of your daughter. 

Because it is often hard to catch “mean girl” behavior, it is vital that tween and teen girls have hands-on parents, who can recognize potential warning signs, and be there to help their daughter deal with these situations when they arise.  Be aware of your daughter’s struggles, because chances are she won’t ask for help.

*Picture courtesy of Mark Lawton.com
http://www.education.com/magazine/article/what-to-do-if-your-daughter-is-bullied/
*http://www.spsk12.net/departments/specialed/Relational%20Aggression.htm